No matter if you're currently engaged, waiting for your partner to pop the question, or trying to muster up the nerve to ask your significant other to marry you, an engagement ring will likely be one of the most important pieces of jewelry you own or gift. So, it's only natural to have a few questions surrounding how to buy it, how to care for it, and how much to spend on it, among other queries.
More specifically, from who should select the design of the ring to how much is too much to spend on a sparkler and how to play it cool if you don't like your piece of jewelry, there's no shortage of questions to ask (and answers to know) when it comes to an engagement. After all, don't you want to ensure this monumental moment is as special as possible?
Ahead, we're providing answers to your most pressing engagement ring etiquette questions (for those buying and receiving a bauble) to help make this exciting process feel way less stressful. Read on for more.
Diamond Engagement Rings: How and Where to Buy
Can couples shop for engagement rings together?
Definitely! In fact, the majority of couples are now going engagement ring shopping together. However, if your soon-to-be fiancé asks for your help and you don't feel comfortable lending a hand, be sure to communicate those feelings. Simply tell them that you don't want to do a joint shopping trip because you think it's more romantic to be surprised (if that's your reasoning, of course). Then, show your mom, your sister, and/or your best friends some photos of rings and ask them to share the images with your partner to provide some guidance.
Can a family member help my partner pick out an engagement ring?
Yes, a family member can absolutely help your partner pick out an engagement ring—especially if you don't want to be involved in the ring-shopping journey. Feel free to ask your mom, sister, cousin, or any relative you're close to, and be specific with the styles that you prefer. For instance, if you're obsessed with emerald-cut diamonds nested in a perfect ring stack, tell them. If you've been spending every lunch break shopping for rings online, send them links to all your favorites. If you'd rather have a bigger diamond with a few flaws than a smaller diamond with none, slip them that little nugget of info, too.
With a family member involved, your partner will get a sounding board, you'll get a ring you'll adore, and they'll have the thrill of being part of one of the biggest moments in your life.
Do you have to shop for a wedding band after the proposal?
No, you don't have to wait until after the proposal to shop for a wedding band. What's more, you should probably consider buying a wedding band at the same time you purchase an engagement ring. This will ensure you're buying a band that perfectly aligns and matches with the bauble, especially if you or your partner would like a ring stack. Plus, some jewelers may offer a discount when both pieces—the engagement ring and wedding band—are bought together.
How much is too much to spend on a ring?
The answer depends entirely on your financial situation. For instance, if you're heavily in debt or concerned about job security, you may want to consider scaling back on the amount you spend. On the other hand, are you worried that your significant other will be tempted to go overboard? Let them know that in a casual conversation so you both feel comfortable with the financial impact of this purchase. Always remember: It's not worth going into a significant amount of debt for a piece of jewelry.
Do you really have to spend three months of your salary on an engagement ring?
It's a widely held belief that individuals should shell out about three months of their salary, but this is actually a misconception and you should only spend what you feel comfortable paying. And while you can certainly use the "three-month rule" as a reference point, it isn't a hard and fast rule. Before shopping for a sparkler, asses your budget, have a conversation with your partner about your money goals, then research rings that fit into your long-term financial plans.
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Can my partner and I both contribute to the engagement ring?
There are no rules that dictate who should pay for an engagement ring, so couples should feel empowered to do what works best for them and their relationship. More specifically, if you're partner can't afford the ring you love, and you're okay with contributing a few extra dollars, don't be afraid to offer to help. Conversely, if you can't afford your partner's dream sparkler, gently bring up the conversation and see if they would be willing to help pay for it or if there's another ring they like that fits within your budget.
Does only one person get an engagement ring?
Gone are the days when one person is expected to receive an engagement ring. If you and your partner would like to propose to each other, lean into it and plan the ultimate joint proposal you both will love. It's a lovely way for each of you to declare your love and commitment to your relationship.
Can I ask my partner to buy a specific diamond carat size?
This answer depends on your partner's budget. If there's a certain carat size that you love, and your soon-to-be fiancé can afford it, you should definitely share your preferences with them. However, if the carat size you desire is way out of budget, consider other alternatives. For example, think about opting for a lab-grown diamond ring, which is both a sustainable and affordable alternative to mined stones. You may be able to get the carat size you want, within the budget your significant other has allocated.
What do I do if I don't like my ring?
If your partner took the initiative and went engagement ring shopping entirely on their own, then props to them. That being said, if you absolutely hate your bauble, you may be wondering what to do. First, sleep on it. The ring might actually grow on you and you may end up loving it after some time. If not, be honest with your future spouse. Start off by explaining how much you love them and highlight parts of the ring that you do like, then express how it's not exactly what you envisioned or doesn't match your personal style. Try and also ask them why they chose that particular ring to get a better understanding of why they chose that sparkler.
If you're worried about hurting their feelings, you can keep quiet. At the end of the day, you're marrying the love of your life and that should ultimately overshadow any ring woes. Just make sure you get a say when it comes to your wedding band.
Am I required to propose with an engagement ring?
Proposals aren't about the ring, it's about the commitment you're making to marry the love of your life. Thus, if you don't want to propose with an engagement ring, or can't afford to do so, don't stress yourself out about buying a piece of jewelry. There are tons of romantic ways to propose without a ring, such as writing your partner a love letter, gifting them another piece of jewelry, planning a romantic trip, or organizing a grand gesture. Pro tip: Be sure to discuss this plan with your partner if they're expecting an actual diamond ring.
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